EIL Intercultural Learning

Now that I've been home for a week, slept for most of it, and sorted out the inevitable bits and pieces that occur when one is away, I'm ready to start writing about my experiences in Tokyo for the past five weeks (knowing me I'll forget them if I don't!). Taking inspiration from Aran's blog (which I strongly suggest you check out if you haven't already) I'm going to take a stab at writing a bit about Japanese culture, though I have a suspicion my efforts will pale in comparison.

We're all familiar with Mrs. Doyle's 'ah go on, ah go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on' skit from 'Father Ted', and as ridiculous and exaggerated as it is, there is a lot of truth in it. Generally speaking, and I do mean generlly, when offered anything by a host, be it a cup of tea or a Jacob's biscuit, the typically 'Irish' reaction is to say 'no' or 'I'm fine, thanks', regardless of whether or not we in fact fancy what's being waved under our noses. To me, this seems perfectly reasonable and normal. As a guest, we don't want to put our host out of their way, would prefer to cause as little trouble as possible. It's almost a way of expressing gratitude, a common courtesy. For me at any rate, it's not a conscious decision, it's ingrained somewhere in the back of my mind; it's automatic. Whenever somebody who isn't a close friend or relative offers to do something for me, the words 'it's alright, thank you' form in my mouth of their own accord. It's quite a distinctive aspect of the Irish mindset, and certainly a contrast to Japan's.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that Japanese people are greedy and selfish, willing to put others to any amount of trouble for their own benefit, but I am pointing out the fact that their way of showing thanks and appreciation is quite different. Rather than insisting that you don't need another slice of that delicious cream cake, the polite thing to do is, in fact, accept it THE FIRST TIME IT'S OFFERED! In Ireland, when somebody says no, a lot of the time we assume they really want to say 'yes', but don't want to cause trouble. In Japan, a 'no' is taken for its dictionary definition. When you refuse what is being offered by a host, you are saying that you would not like it, that it doesn't appeal to you.

Let's look at it from the Japanese host's perspective: 'Duty' is an incredibly important concept in the Eastern philosophy. When somebody comes to stay with you, it is your duty to look after them, see that their needs are met, and ensure that they have a good time. If your guest is constantly refusing what you're offering you worry that you're doing something wrong, that your planned excursions/meals/relaxation aren't appealing to them. If your guest is  saying 'yes, yes, yes' all the time it means they are enthused about your proposals, having a good time and enjoying themselves. You have peace of mind as you know you've done your duty.

It took me a long time to come to this realisation, and even longer to start acting upon it. Actually allowing somebody to pay for my meal in a restaurant, not waving my hands about like a mad person and insisting 'no, no, no' when my host mother offered to use her day off to take me shopping, asking for another glass of iced tea, etc. all these things felt WRONG to me. I felt like I was being rude and demanding. However, as opposed to when I did the Irish thing and 'just said no', it seemed to put my hosts at ease.

So next time you're in Japan (!) think twice before saying no to that second slice of cake...